Month 7 and Emotions

I’m now 7 months into restoring my foreskin. I took my monthly photos of my progress a couple of days ago and always can notice an improvement of my new growing foreskin compared to last month’s photos. The skin is getting increasingly wrinkly and as the weeks pass by, the skin continues to get looser and looser. It takes less and less effort to pull the skin over the glans even though it doesn’t stay there on its own yet. I am still at a CI-3 of the Coverage Index (explained in Foreskin Restoration: 3-6 Months), but I feel my sensitivity and sensations are slowly but surely improving.

I’ve also reflected on how far I’ve come though in the last 7 months. It was at the beginning of last summer that I began my restoration journey and here it is in the middle of winter. I’m most of the way through my first year of restoring. My motivation for continuing hasn’t lessened a bit. In fact, my motivation is increasing. If I’ve come this far, then I know I’m in this for the long haul no matter how long it takes. The years that it will take to restore no longer appear to be that daunting given that I’ve spent most of a year already at it. Last June when I began was indeed a turning point in my life.

Restoring a foreskin can be compared to running a marathon. It is best to view it as a series of short sprints. With the continuing improvements I’m experiencing, I wonder how masturbation will feel like a month from now, or even a week from now, or even tomorrow. It is indeed a wonderful journey of self-exploration and self-discovery. I also feel I’m beginning to intuitively understand why nature gave me a foreskin to begin with before it was cut off. My masturbation sessions continue to improve with the looser gliding skin and it makes me really wish to know what it will feel like once I am fully restored. There are certainly times that I feel impatient, but to quote a cliché, it is good to stop and smell the flowers along the way.

Sometimes I can get really down about being circumcised though. Mind you, as I continue with my restoration and with life in general, I’m learning to cope better with what was done to me and to not let it interfere with my everyday functioning. There are still occasional days, however, where it can really get in the way. During these days, a range of emotions passes through my mind: anger, sadness, frustration, etc. I hate that this was done to me especially since I was born and am living in a first world country, I hate how this hasn’t been made illegal yet, and I hate how society can so nonchalant over the issue and not properly address these emotions that I’m feeling.

During these times I feel so alone as well, and there are various reasons why I feel alone with this issue. One reason I feel so alone is the attitudes of other circumcised men who may be really nonchalant over being circumcised. Mind you, I do believe that people are free to think what they want and that includes circumcised men on their circumcised status, but the fact that the vast majority of circumcised men think this way still creates frustration within me. I’ve yet to meet another man in person who also feels the need to restore his foreskin. One soluton I’ve found, however, is to join a restoration internet group, which has fortunately been proven helpful. It’s great to be able to communicate with other restoring men even if distance makes it impractical to meet in person.

Another reason I feel so alone is society’s lack of resources on this particular issue. Foreskin restoration isn’t very well known, and even a lot of doctors don’t seem to understand it with some even against it. Sexual resources barely touch on the issue of circumcision. I’ve seen, for example, sexual pamphlets that take a tone of indifference to circumcision, except to say that it shouldn’t be done because it’s medically unnecessary and as such no insurance will cover it. Well, that’s all very fine and good for the baby boys who are being born now, but what about those of us who were born in the last century when circumcision was unfortunately incredibly common? Assuming I live a long life, I still have well over half a century of my life left. A lot of these pamphlets, doctors, etc., however, seem to shrug and say “So you’re circumcised. So what? Your penis still seems to give you pleasure, right? What’s the big deal?”

But you’re missing the whole point. It’s not that I still can’t enjoy myself, it’s that a large part of what I could be feeling was taken away. Also, I have this feeling of being violated, like how a rape victim can feel violated. The problem is that this feeling of violation from circumcision and having the desire to be whole again is still foreign to North American culture, as well as to many other places/cultures around the world. Mind you, I can understand why. We’ve been circumcising male babies for a century and a half and so it seems strange to complain about being circumcised. I do, however, continue to fight against this attitude.

Another reason I feel alone has to do with how society has labeled sexual topics as taboo topics. Due to the very nature of the issue at hand and that it deals directly with genitals (especially mine), I find I have to be discrete with how and who I share this issue with. One solution that I’ve come up for this last problem is to blog about it anonymously (hence why I started this blog). I wish I could use my real name and say who I really am, but if I did so I feel I would be putting my reputation at risk, both socially and career-wise. There are certain sexual topics that modern society just isn’t ready to be open to as of yet and genitals is definitely one of them. The society of 2017 unfortunately just isn’t ready for that yet.

I will say, however, that I am grateful that I was born as late as I was in the twentieth century. Had I been born in my parents’ generation in the 1950’s I would not only have surely been circumcised, but I could very well have had no knowledge on the miraculous process known as foreskin restoration (this is why some men born back then are just getting around to restoring their foreskins now, foreskin restoration was known millennia ago but it was only rediscovered at the end of the twentieth century). I am still young in my twenties so I still have the majority of my life left to live and to have many happy years to live with a restored foreskin. And being born at the age of the internet has also allowed me to advocate this issue through such means as this blog, not only to raise awareness but also for my own personal therapy.

Love always, Jake Norman (pseudonym), foreskin restorer and intactivist.

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